Deep For The Week

The Harsh Realities of Co-Parenting: What No One Tells You

• Kali

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Navigating the treacherous waters of co-parenting after a relationship ends is rarely the picture-perfect scenario many hope for. In this raw, unfiltered exploration, we dive deep into why co-parenting arrangements so often fall apart and what truly matters for the children caught in the middle.

At the heart of most co-parenting failures lies inconsistency. When one parent shows up only when convenient, sends money sporadically, or remains disconnected from their child's daily life, they're not truly co-parenting—they're creating instability. I share my personal experience as a mother of eight with four different co-parenting relationships, alongside insights from single fathers including my brother who raised his daughter alone. The perspective from both sides reveals a common truth: children need reliability more than they need gifts or occasional appearances.

The emotional landscape after a breakup creates additional complexity. Jealousy over new relationships, attempts to control the primary parent, and bringing personal grievances into parenting discussions all poison what should be a child-centered arrangement. As I explain through both research and real-life experience, children ultimately sense the imbalance—they know which parent consistently shows up and which one doesn't. This awareness shapes their understanding of relationships and what they should expect from others.

Perhaps most compelling is the research suggesting children fare better with one consistent, loving parent than with an unpredictable second parent who appears randomly in their lives. This challenges common assumptions and forces us to ask: when does maintaining a difficult co-parenting relationship cause more harm than good? Whether you're currently co-parenting, contemplating separation, or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers honest guidance for putting children's wellbeing first when navigating divided parenting relationships.

What co-parenting challenges have you faced? Share your experiences in the comments, and if you've found strategies that work, your insights might help others in similar situations. Subscribe to catch our related series "Karma Chronicles" where we explore the long-term consequences of relationship choices.

Kali: 0:01

It's the Deep for the Week talk show. Are you ready to Facebook, youtube, wherever TikTok, please like, share, follow and comment below. I love to hear your input and if you like to come on the D for the Week show, please comment below and we'll also show you how to get started on that. I missed you guys. I've been gone for a while. I'm going through some adjustments and, as we always do in life, which takes more of my time away from me being able to do the show, but I will be back more consistent very soon. Anyhow, I've also made some changes and adjustments to my hair. If you may notice, I haven't shown you guys. I don't think I've done a show since I've cut my hair, as I cut away all the baggage as well. We'll talk about that on a whole, nother show. But I just feel so refreshed and I'm glad to be back and I'm glad to be able to join you guys today and I hope you guys are joining me today and consistent with me as well as I go through my adjustments.

Kali: 1:26

I've done a few other type of shows. I've done a show I'm doing an addition to Deep for the Week, a little side edition, a little short snippet show called Karma Chronicles. I have been through a lot in my life and a lot of it has been due to things that people have done to me and I didn't really seek karma on a lot of those things, but karma seek them on, you know, and I want to share that with you guys. It's almost like a testimony. I feel the need the spirit and God and what I pray to and worship has told me share your story. It's going to help many people and it might hurt many people as well the people that were involved that did the bad things that are now experiencing the karma. But hey, I cannot help that. They did what they did. Okay, anyhow, that we did one show on that. It is uploaded for you guys to see and I hope you guys, um, enjoy watching it.

Kali: 2:30

I'm gonna do many more and it gets way deeper, and so today's show is about co-parenting. I usually write my shows out, but this show is coming straight from the heart. I have so much to say about this Just due to me talking to other parents single parents, of course, you'll have to be a single parent if you're co-parenting and fathers and mothers both and so I'm not just going to speak from a woman's point of view. I'm going to give some input that I have also heard from some single fathers that I know a few, my brother being one. He's raised a female child all on his own, for the most part With no assistance from a grandmother or auntie. You know well, I was an auntie. I helped him a lot, as much as I could, but I moved from California, which is where my brother lives, and he became a full-time, full-up single father after that.

Kali: 3:28

Not being able to bring his daughter over for the weekend every now and then or, you know, during the day, so he can run his errands, and I know, as being a single parent, it's hard. Until they get to that age where they can do things on their own and for themselves is very, very hard. And it becomes even harder when you have a co-parent that is not doing its part or being argumentative or just, you know, still kind of in the relationship and you're out of it and they want to argue about things. That just does not pertain to co-parenting. So let's get deep, y'all. And again, before we get started, don't forget to like, share and subscribe. Okay, and please comment below. I love to do a part, one, two and have a group session where we do talk to other single parents, both male and female, that co-parent and that have some difficulties co-parenting. Why? What makes it difficult? And I want to tell you what I think makes it difficult from a woman's point of view.

Kali: 4:34

First off, okay, let's get deep. Okay, so I have some of you may know that watch my show, that know me. Thank you for watching I have eight children and out of the eight, five of them are now of age OK and three of them still. In my home I have four different children's father. I'm not ashamed of that. I'm not ashamed of anything. So get the reggae. If you get the shame in the comments, you'll be just talking to your motherfucking self. Okay, excuse my language, but hey, this year we're going to be a little bit more transparent as well. I'm going to just go ahead and be myself and I'll wink at the people that are not supposed to be here.

Kali: 5:21

Anyhow, I started at 15. So that'd be one of the reasons why I do have a couple of baby daddies and I'm not one of those people that are big on thinking like oh, you know, it makes you look like less of a hoe or less promiscuous if all your children are by the same father and you have problems with that father and you know why keep having children with him. If he didn't help me with the first one, the second one, third one, like fuck that you know. So, after you show me that maybe with the first one or the second one, I'm done, you know. But there's some people big that big on thinking that it makes the situation better to each his own, okay, um. So, yes, I have four different kids fathers, so I can really speak from a perspective of co-parenting. Okay, um, with my kids father. They have all.

Kali: 6:21

Every single solitary one has made it difficult to do it because they stayed in their feelings once we broke up. They didn't want to break up and, you know, or they were possessive or kind of like abusive, so they felt like I was theirs forever. Some of them thought that because of how well I treated them or how you know loyal I was to them or to the relationship, they thought like she's never going to leave, she's going to give me a chance at the chance, and I did for some of them, and then their chances ran out. So after that, you know, we began to co-parent and what I thought we were going to do. Some of them did not really help at all, okay, and some of them thought that we're going to help when they felt like it, and so that's one of the things let's talk about.

Kali: 7:14

Some of the things that make it difficult to co-parent, and that's one of the things the inconsistency when you are a parent that is absent, if you do not live in the house and you're not at least picking that kid up from school once or twice a week. You don't know what class they're in, you don't know the name of their teacher, you have not helped them with homework at least once or twice a month. You're not the one that has to take them to their practices. You don't have to go to Walmart with them to get items for their projects. You're not involved like that. Then you are an absent parent, even if you pay child support, and you won't understand that unless you are a full-time parent without help. And I don't mean a full-time parent with your mother co-parenting or a you know your grandparent, your mother, the child's grandparents, helping you as if they're the other parent. I mean you co-parenting and you being a single parent by yourself and the other, you expecting the other parent to fully help you Because that's their job.

Kali: 8:21

I find it hard doing that when people are not consistent, and I think men think that women hold the kids away from them or over their heads like, oh, you can't see your kid because we're not getting along, or you didn't want to be with me or you cheated on me. And most of the time I don't really think is that there are some cases of that, but a majority of the time I think women want a break. Okay, and they give you the children if they know they can get used to that break. It's for many reasons why women cut the father off. It's like if your 300 or your 500 only comes whenever you have it, I don't need that. I really can't get used to that being assistance. I don't need that. I really can't get used to that being assistance. So what's the point If I can't call you and say, oh, I can't leave work, but the nurse just called saying the kid has a fever. Can you go At least once out of the times they call? Three times maybe. Then yeah, it's no point in having you as a co-parent, it's all. I don't have you as a co-parent, and so to cut you off is very easy because you're argumentative.

Kali: 9:56

A woman for the this is from a woman for fellas. A woman has so much to do with. She has a period. The child may still be young and she may have postpartum, and postpartum can go, I believe, up to like five years old don't quote me on that, but I know it could still be going up to like three years of age. So she may have postpartum along with PMS, because now she still has a period as well.

Kali: 10:33

The stress of work, the stress of being being too active or being sick or needing help with homework and she's tired. The stress of having to be the one to cook and do all the cleaning and all of the shopping. The stress of being the one to have to go to all the teacher conferences and fit that in your schedule that you already have, while you just give money and call when you want and expect someone to be like hello, here's your great dad, talk to him, because he gives money when he has it. That's not how it works, guys. That's not how it works. That's not how it works. And let me tell you how it does work in some states and in most states, if you're not with the child with.

Kali: 11:19

There's a 28 day span. You don't see the child you have abandoned, considerably abandoned legally. It's called. You consider you bet rights to your child and that's you know income and physically. And so some of this stuff is not just made up from the girl's heart or feelings. Some of this stuff is legal If they do some reading. You know the parent that is absent. Some of this stuff is legal if she says you know the other parent that is absent. It's some of this stuff is legal If she says you know you were here for 28 days. I don't have to answer you, I don't have to keep in. You know it's not good for the child. You're teaching the child to accept inconsistent relationships, to put up with inconsistent relationships. That you know and I don't want to teach my child that.

Kali: 12:24

So there's many reasons why a woman may cut a father off. We begin to resent. You know you get to come home from work and take a break and just you know either watch a game, play the game, take a shower, drink a beer, talk on the phone, relax. When a woman gets off of work she still has 10, 15 other things to do, probably 30, but she's only going to get about 10, 5, 15 of them done. Probably 30, but she's only going to get about 10, 5, 15 of them done. When a woman has to go to work, she doesn't get to wake up an hour too early. Sometimes it's two to three hours early because she has to get herself and kids ready and then drop some people off and then go to work and still work eight to ten hours. So on top of that, we don't want to deal with people being argumentative. That barely help.

Kali: 13:23

And from a man's point of view, I've talked to some of my male friends that are single parents, including my brother is one. What makes it difficult is a woman doing the same things, thinking she can just come around when she wants, favoring the child with gifts and stuff, so that the child thinks that that's what relationships are about. You know I'll give you gifts and you know for my absence, and that's teaching the child the wrong thing as well, and you know for my absence, and that's teaching the child the wrong thing as well. No-transcript. Unfortunately, some of the first people that teach us how relationships are not supposed to go are our parents. And you know, I believe the entitlement that one has because the DNA is inside of someone, is ridiculous. For months and weeks at a time and you go through things like flat tires or bills being due or you being sick and can't work but still got to do all this stuff for the children and provide, and you can't call the other person and say, hey, you know, can you at least come now? There is no entitlement to that person answering your calls or saying, yeah, pull on up and come on by. There's no entitlement to that person answering your calls or saying, yeah, pull on up and come on by. There's no entitlement to you, sorry.

Kali: 15:25

So the arguments, the jealousy makes it hard. We shouldn't even be talking about what we're doing outside of this child. If it's not affecting the child, the boyfriend I had shouldn't matter to you. It's not an outside of this child. If it's not affecting the child, the boyfriend I have should matter to you. If it's not affecting the child, the girlfriend he has should not matter to you. What else makes it hard to co-parent? Just ignorance, full-on ignorance, not understanding what a child truly needs. If I have to keep telling you, no one has to tell me I'm not doing this with you. It's like having two children and I want you know, to end it with this, this Think about if you were the child and you were being provided what you give.

Kali: 16:25

Would it be enough? Would you be happy with that? Would you be happy with the here and there's and just a call here and there? Or you know a visit here and there. You know a visit here and there. You know, would that be enough for you as a child? Well, one day they grow up and they start to realize it's a huge imbalance and they start to push you away and they start to like treat you like what you're acting like, just money and gifts, and they begin like well, I'll just use the motherfucking. I've seen it. I don't want to teach my child that either. I really want to release healthy individuals into society, as healthy as I possibly can Present to society, and so I'm going to do my part. And if that means protect them from their own parent's inconsistency, then that's going to be the case.

Kali: 17:34

I've done some research. I do have an early childhood background, development background that's went to school for and my minor was business. That was my major and um. It is not healthy for a child to experience an inconsistent parent. It's actually more healthy for them to adjust to not having the parent at all. So and having one consistent, fully involved parent.

Kali: 18:16

So, with that being said, if you are again negative, toxic, argumentative, inconsistent, you know I don't even care if it's just $85 a month, give that every month. I don't care. If you just come every Wednesday once a month, the kid can expect that and have that bond. You know what I mean. But if you, if there's absolutely nothing outside of cash and or the cash is not consistent or the time is not consistent, and you know what Some women even will just take the time, if you just do half of what I do, I don't even need no money from you. I know a lot of women that would have that too.

Kali: 18:59

But there's lots of reasons why the male needs to understand, or the absent or the other parent needs to understand why there is money needed. Because, see, with you only having yourself, you're probably going to need a one-bedroom, right, but with that parent having the child, they need a two-bedroom. You can have a two-seater car or maybe even a motorcycle, but with that child having the parent, they might even need a van to transfer, not just them but sometimes their friends. They need a lot more, because there's a parent with the child and you have to understand that and you probably won't until you are fully involved. When you're there seeing that the child wants a second plate, when you're there seeing that list that they give you after you already bought school supplies and they give you another list, when you're there helping with the homework that you barely understand until 10 o'clock at night and still got to get up to go to work, all that stuff, then you'll understand why somebody says don't call me, we don't need you. You can't just call when you want. You can't just come when you want. You can't just come when you want. You can't just give money when you want and think we're going to be like, hey, all those things make it difficult to co-parent and at some point you're not co-parenting. So what's the point? If you have some input on this, if you'd like to come on the show and talk further about this, I'd love to hear from you.

Kali: 20:39

I'm giving you my input and it's coming from partially what I'm going through and I hope the person watches this because they need to. They need to when a woman is independent. She got her own money. She got her own. She met you owning her own house. She met you making 10K a fucking month or more a month. She met you paying for your plane tickets to come see her, fuck when you didn't have a job. She held it down for 14 months Anywhere. At the time you didn't have a job. The fuck you think she gotta put up with your shit. It was for us, the ladies.

Kali: 21:24

When a nigga got his own, he taking care of that kid and you coming around all that bullshit. Do you think this nigga had to deal with you? No, and why would he? It makes it even that much harder. You're already already doing so much. It's so hard, so overwhelming, so overstimulating. And then here you come with your shit. I think not. Unless I'm doing stuff to expose the children to you know inappropriate behavior or you know unsafe environments, you have nothing to say to me about what I'm doing. And when you do start doing stuff like that, you gotta go. I ain't got a daddy. He died when I was 12. And he wasn't in my life like that. He was the absent parent About to tell me what the fuck to do.

Kali: 22:29

Y'all need to understand that. It's not that it's like oh, this child is mine, but it is like that. You make it like that when you don't do your part, yeah, you make the child it's like it is mine. When I'm the one that they call when it's sick, when I'm the one that has to take a work when it's sick, I'm the one take the pay cut when it's sick. You only have to give so much Time and money. I have to give every bit of mine. I have to work my whole life and schedule of work and everything, my fun, my sex life, everything around the child, while you get to just be like, hey, then don't think I'm gonna be like, hey, hey the fuck.

Kali: 23:17

No, come on, I've seen it be done by both sexes. I've seen them come together and do it together and nobody pay, nobody, because for what you owe me just as much as. And then I've seen a male do it by himself and co-parent with a female, and I've seen a female co-parent with a male and it'd be done healthy and in the proper way. So it could be done. But these days, you know, when I was younger, I kept trying it, I kept almost forcing it on the men, like you got to try more, you got to do more, and I even put one of them on child support, which caused a whole family feud that is still going on. We're gonna talk about that in karma carnivals, because they're getting they shit, they're getting whipped on. Y'all I'm telling you. But yeah, these things need to be discussed because these children need both parents.

Kali: 24:12

And if you don't have money, you have time and a real woman that is not scorned, that is not money hungry, that is not trying to be living off the child support, will respect that. You give me just as much time. I don't need your money, but because you can't compensate with time, I do need the money because I do also need self-care, time to relax, time to release, maybe just time to just sit on the couch without being bothered. So that costs. I'd send them to a babysitter. Babysitter costs money.

Kali: 24:44

Because you don't want a child being raised by an unhealthy woman. And what are some of the things that make her unhealthy? Is your bashing, your name calling, your opinions, you trying to control or abuse or manipulate the situation. The child has to take that in when she's sad, she's depressed, she's mad, she's short, she's tired. The child also receives that energy from the mother and I refuse to give that energy to my child because that's what I'm receiving and I can choose not to receive it. And I hope that most of you that are co-parenting if it's not worth it, if it's more toxic, it's more abuse, it's more mental distress and emotional distress, you know than it is consistency and positivity and help you make the decision to say you know, we don't need this. Because even if you want to move on in life and you say you know, I want now, I want a new spouse and you find a real man, a real man that is a real father, or even if he isn't a father, he has no children, he's going to let you know that shit is not cool and it can be make or break a relationship. So all these things are something that both sides whether you are the female that is co-parenting or the male, whatever you know to take into consideration. Because, again, even if you're the female and the male has a child, you don't need to be making him mad. Yeah, you don't have a period and stuff, but he deals with a lot as well, being the parent with the child. So having to deal with your shit too is just out.

Kali: 26:44

Alcoholism, you know, addictions, all that stuff makes it. I'm not dealing with that and you shouldn't either, and I mean every type of addiction. There is no addiction better than the other. You know I can say there's no sin greater than the other. I believe there's no addiction but any other. If it takes away from you being a model citizen, a model parent, um, working, doing what you need to do, then it's a problem and it's an addiction. And it's all the fucking same to me Whether it's gaming, drinking, smoking, partying, whatever. People have addictions to a lot Gambling, watching sports. People have addictions to a lot of things. But if you're a dysfunctional addict.

Kali: 27:44

I smoke weed and I'm addicted to it.

Kali: 27:48

But I also own a business.

Kali: 27:52

I make and sell a hair product.

Kali: 27:55

I homeschool my kids.

Kali: 27:58

There's two grades level ahead.

Kali: 28:08

I also work at strip club. I also work at strip club. It doesn't get in the way of nothing. In fact it gets me going. So if your addiction don't get you going and it's in the way of you parenting all day, like the kids are begging you for can we play, can you dance? For your attention or for some food, and you're ignoring them because you're smoking your attention or for some food and you're ignoring them for because you're smoking and drinking, or on the game, or it's that's, that's out too. I don't think you should have to deal with a co-parent that has a problem like that as well. So those are all the things that make it hard to co-parent.

Kali: 28:48

On my end. What is it on your end? If you like to come on the show and talk about this with me, please, please, please, please do. I'd love to hear your input. And if you just want to comment below, give your input there. Please do as well. Again, I thank you for joining us on the D for the Week show and I hope to see you next time. And don't forget to watch my little snippets of Karmic Chronicles, a little edition of Deep for the Week. We'll talk about how that karma comes back and smack you in the ass. Again, thanks for watching. Don't forget to follow, subscribe and if there's something you want to come on the show about, comment below and we'll get you started in the process of that. You're watching the Deep for the Week show. See you next time.