Cultural Shifts in Romantic Expectations

Why don't relationships last like they used to? Let's journey together through the intricate landscape of modern love and relationships. Reflecting on my own experiences and the shifting societal norms, we explore whether past generations stayed together due to societal pressures and limited opportunities for women. Today's fast-paced life, coupled with the constant barrage of social media, poses new challenges for maintaining stability in relationships. Join me as we touch on the impact of these elements and invite you to share your own stories in a roundtable discussion, enriching our conversation with diverse perspectives.

Our exploration takes us deeper into the African-American community, where historical gender roles and economic independence are reshaping the way we view relationships. Has the shift from traditional roles led to new complexities? We ponder the influence of music and media that champion independence while perhaps altering romantic expectations. Additionally, we evaluate how shifts in moral landscapes and religion might play into these dynamics. Together, we question these changes and their effects on love and partnership, aiming for a conversation that highlights the pressures and joys faced by both men and women today.

As we further dissect generational dynamics, particularly for those born in the early 1980s, the conversation shifts to societal narratives that have molded our expectations of love and marriage. From the enchanting yet unrealistic ideals presented by Disney movies to the real-world implications of women's increased participation in the workforce, we dissect why some relationships thrive while others falter. I encourage all—married, single, and divorced—to offer your insights, helping us all gain a more comprehensive understanding of the evolving relationship landscape. Thank you for your continued support and engagement, and I look forward to where our journey of discovery will take us next.

Transcript

Kali: 0:08

it's the deep for the week talk show. Are you ready to talk? Let's get deep for the week. Hello, hello and thank you for joining us on the deep for the Week show. I am your host, kali, and again I want to say welcome back to myself and to you guys too. I've been gone for a while and I thank you guys for sticking in there with me and I missed you guys so much. So again I'm back in studio and I missed this and I hope you guys are back with me.

Kali: 0:40

I had to take a little mental break and work on some other projects and focus on some other things, and you know we'll talk about that later because I am very transparent with my guests and you all. As you guys like it, we get deep. So I'll get deep on my shit later, but right now I just want to say thank you guys for sticking with me and welcome back as well. And before we get started, I always ask you guys to like, share, subscribe, comment below if you have any input In today's show. I hope you have some input, enough input to want to come and join us later and elaborate on these topics and subjects a little bit more. So today, what are we talking about? We're talking about something I talk about all the time on my phone, via inbox, via text message, and it's like you know, why don't we just get on a round table and talk about this and get a little deep together on the show? And so I thought I would do a show one to get you guys started on the ideas and on the subjects and on stuff that you know. You can come back and elaborate more with me and don't be afraid. So you know, you guys that inbox me and you guys that text message me and spend hours on my phone talking to me, I am not the, I'm not a relationship counselor, and so I always say I don't know, but I love to be able to give you my input and what I experience. But you know, let's do this together. Let's get even deeper and do this on a roundtable discussion with the opposite sex. So I would like to have a couple of male and a couple of females come on with me and talk about this. But I want to give a little bit of my input today, and so we're going to talk about why relationships aren't lasting like our grandparents or maybe even our parents.

Kali: 2:22

Now, for myself, I cannot say my parents my mom and my papa was a rolling stone. They didn't give two damn Fs about it either, so I can't really say. I've seen that growing up. Later on in life my mother was married and she still didn't stay married. But she was also married to my father, don't get me wrong but she didn't stay married to him either. So you know, but I did also see my grandmother only be with one guy her whole life, from 13 until the day she died, and so that is a few generations back.

Kali: 2:59

And that is the question how come their relationships lasted and ours didn't? And I was at work today, you guys know, one of my jobs is dancing, so we were talking about this while getting dressed in the dance room and one of them. One of the reasons why we think it lasted so long back then is that the women were very passive. They stayed through anything, and I can say my grandmother, she was one of those women, because when she, when my grandfather grandfather passed, there were kids at the funeral that we were like who was that? And they were my grandpa's kids and and she was this nice to them, like if they were family, and that's why we were like, who is that? So she dealt with stuff like paternity issues and you know him having children with other women and things like that, and we never knew about it to the day he died. And so is that how the relationships lasted. They were passive and they just dealt with the pain in a different way, and they had to because women didn't work and have the opportunities as careers and stuff like we do now.

Kali: 4:05

Let's talk about it. Let's get deep. I want you guys to come on here with me and talk about it Again, because I am not a relationship counselor. I give my opinions, I'm on a one-on-one basis, but I want us to talk about this, you know, because I see marriage is like a very trendy thing in our generation, but ain't nobody getting married or staying married really, and so it's like how is it trending so much? But it's not happening. And why is it not happening? And if it does happen, why is it not lasting? And I have a few reasons. I like to think relationships are not the last thing. Let's start with imbalance. I think we have a huge imbalance and that's not always the fault of the other person or the spouse or the partner. I think sometimes our society and the pace of life and our jobs and the things that we have to deal with today versus what they had to deal with back then versus what they had to deal with back then, our pace, everything can cause imbalance, you know, and that may be one of the reasons. And so, if you have experienced that, you know you wanted a relationship to last so bad, but it didn't, because, you know, the person didn't understand I have to work or I have to do this or I have to do that. Let's get deep, let's talk about it. Come on here with me and let's get even deeper about this. And so, of course, we all know let's take a sip on this social media is a big problem, and why?

Kali: 5:37

Well, men are already very. What's the visual and physical creatures? Like you know, it doesn't. You know, to see, that's what turns a man on. To feel is what most of the time turns a woman on, and they just get to see so much. And so is that what is ruining, you know? Is it the temptation? Is it the social media? Is the fact that they see more women Does it make them want more women? You know, so you know, and the fact that women do make a killing off of men wanting them now. Is that the problem? Let's get deep, y'all. Let's talk about this stuff. Okay, laziness, again. That goes with imbalance. Is one partner working too hard versus the other one? Not. Is that the problem, which then causes jealousy and resentment? You know, and so are those the issues.

Kali: 6:41

And then I have um, with us being exposed to so much information and knowledge and us um becoming smarter and just leveling up on so many different levels, whether it's religion, spirituality and, you know, career rise, all the things that we level up on that we didn't have the opportunity to do years ago. Is that the problem? Um, you know too much knowledge, too much information, um, is that the problem? Um, let's get deep and let's talk about this stuff. And then I like to think that and I'm the women are going to be mad at me when I say this um, I like to think there's too many opportunists in the world today. Um, because when you, when you think about love now, it's not um based solely on love. Sometimes it's based on you know how a person can make your image better through their money or because their looks. They look good and you know you retain an attractive person or you know, and when a person actually feels that, um, and they don't feel like you know you love me because you just love me, like if I get burnt up in a motherfucking fire tomorrow, are you still going to love me? You know, stuff like that Is it genuine? And I think people that want genuine love they're feeling that. And is there a such thing Like? I want to know what you guys feel We've been having?

Kali: 8:20

I've talked to many people about this in group chats and all kinds of things, and we went as far as back to say, like back years ago, women did not even pick their spouses. You know their fathers did, or the men in their family did, according to what the other family was about and how much money or what their wealth was. You know their net worth and you know. And is that where we're going wrong? You know, are women supposed to date men that can take care of them? Because if we go to a biblical or religious, they'll say that it's supposed to be that way, and when a man can no longer take care of you, he's no longer your husband. So is it that, you know, like? What do you guys think it is. Is it gender roles? Have we got too into gender roles or too away from them? I just want to have a round and let's not argue, let's not talk over each other, because I know this is going to get in, we're going to get deep on this, but what do you think it actually is?

Kali: 9:25

On the way here, I took an Uber from my other job to come here to do the show and the Uber driver we talked about this and he really thinks it's the lack of religion. So do you think that is one of the problems, the lack of religion or morality? I don't know. I think it's a little bit of everything insecurity, jealousy. There's people that actually are jealous of their own spouse, and I've actually experienced that, being a dancer. I've I've have have many relationships, I've made more money than my spouse, and it created jealousy, um, and insecurity, because I don't think men like to be beneath their woman in that category when it comes to finances. So is it that that now women are making more money in a lot of careers, not just dancing? I mean, they're women are doctors now, women do construction now. Women do just about everything men do now, and so is that the problem.

Kali: 10:29

You know what is the problem, and I see that via social media, we are all seeking love, and it's a huge topic. It's something we talk about all the time, but I also see us arguing amongst each other on all the time via social media on why we're not together, and more so black people don't get mad at me but more so amongst blacks. I I must say this I can't say this because I'm a whole nigga. I can say what I want to say about us, okay, so I'm gonna say it. I do not see um other races doing this as much as we do, and so so that's why I want to talk about this, and I definitely would love to have other races if you have some input. But I think this is something that is more deep amongst African-Americans, it's like we're almost in competition with each other when it comes to the opposite sex, and I don't know if we've created this or if society has created this. So I just want to know what you guys feel on this.

Kali: 11:29

Did music create this? Do you remember the gender like era of music where we listened to songs that really promoted black women being independent? Do you think that ruined the dynamic of relationships and two parent household and you know, spouses in our culture Because I will say, in our culture, more than most cultures, it is a problem Our women are, and the numbers show it are more single than any other women. And you know, and so is it because of our music. You know you got the songs like Miss Independent. That's why I love her. And then you know, all that was like early 2000. And you know you had the I-N-D-P-N-D. You know all this stuff is promoting women and I love her cause. She got her own.

Kali: 12:26

And so then we all were like, okay, let's go beat this woman that they're all singing about us, they want us to be independent. And then we did that. And now they're like, whoa, you have too much, you have more than me. And in fact that makes me feel like you know, and it's like, okay, well, you guys were singing about that. You know it's like, is our entertainment ruining our relationship again? I mean, social media is a part of entertainment, but is it entertainment as a whole? Did that? Was that the start of it? Because our and we're talking about black men were already feeling like society made it harder for them to. You know, take care of us.

Kali: 13:05

And then, when we came out and said, well, you, you guys, pushed us out. You said, you know, take care of us. And then, when we came out and said you, you guys pushed us out, you said, you know, you wanted us to be independent and you liked us to have our own. And then we went out and we were able to surpass them and pay rates and careers. And now they're like wait a minute, you know.

Kali: 13:24

So is it that you know? Or is it just that we embraced our sexuality, which before it was, you know, bitches ain't shit but hoes and trick? Now we like we show ain't shit but hoes and tricks. Is it that you know? And then they don't like that. And then we've embraced, like you know, well, fuck it. Let's say, might as well make money, you, instead of feeling bad about it, you know, you know, I had sex with you and you don't even call me back. I had sex with this guy. He gave me 500 and he took me to dinner and he texts me every morning. You know, is it that? What has love turned into? You know? What is it? You know?

Kali: 14:03

And I just want to talk about all these types of, but not amongst um, just my friends, I would love to have someone, and you know different age groups and, again, different sexes, and we all come on and we just give our our input, um, on what we think is causing us not to be able to find love, keep love, attain it, maintain it, and you know we all crave it. You know, I see it so much at best, especially amongst my culture. But black people, african americans, um, we are, I see more of it and it's like a celebration and the only reason why it's a celebration because we're going so long without it. So, like you know, you don't see it as much as you know, when a Caucasian or Hispanic person gets married, it's like you know something that they expect when we get married. It's like you did it, you made it, it's like almost like making it into the NFL. And what's the difference? You know, why is it such a? You know, and so I just want to talk. I just want to talk, I just want to talk about that. And should it even be that way? Like I'm past that point, like I've people ask me are you the problem? Because I've been engaged a few times and I've said I'm not about to marry you and just probably, I keep doing that until I feel like I should. So, um, I'm I happen to not be one of those black girls that are just so quick to get married, and you know, and that does not validate me. But, um, and I keep saying black, because I do have, mostly I have friends from every culture and I don't think they focus on this as much as black women do, like they're. Black women will not feel good about themselves if they don't have a spouse.

Kali: 15:51

I actually watch one girl on social media. I hope she watches this too. I'm gonna, I'm gonna hope, I'm gonna make sure she get it, get to her somehow, I don't know how, but I'm gonna get this to you, girl, and you're gonna know I'm talking about you. But you always posting all day, every day, about not having a man, and I think that you're the reason, that's one of the reasons why, like you, don't have one. But I do want to talk. I just I want her to watch this show too. I do. I just want a lot of us to talk about this and not so much argue about this. We are feuding black people on social media with each other on why we can't be together and why we ain't together and that's also creating more of the you know the reason why we're not together. Let's come to a real conclusion and that and we have to hit some truth.

Kali: 16:44

Women and men, you know, and if that's even something that you're into anymore, like I think that for me it's not. I thought I was one of those girls like I want to be in a dress and I want everybody, and I know I think I'm more like Oprah, I just need me, like a statement I can call come fuck me and go home afterwards, all right, like, are you one of those women? Is that why we're not getting married? Like people are just cool with just having friendship type relationships, situationships like fuck ships type shit, or what is it. I want to talk about it.

Kali: 17:21

You know, I want to get to somewhat of the bottom of it in our generation. So I was born in 1982. And I feel like it's my generation, a little bit like the late 70s. We're experiencing this more so than the previous generation. I don't know what the kids after us are going through.

Kali: 17:39

Like you know, I don't think they take anything serious in life, I don't even think they care about this type of stuff, but with us it's starting to affect us, because we are hitting that spot where we're like, damn, are we gonna be, are we gonna die alone? And maybe so, but, um, why aren't you okay with that? It's just like now, like I've I stopped getting my braces tightened because I'm like, why am I not okay with my teeth at 42? You know, I, you know, and I and like that's kind of like what I'm with relationships, like, well, I'm not okay with not being married. Actually I am, you know. So why aren't you okay with it at 42 or 40 something, or even in your late 30s? Um, why do you think it's not happening? Why do you think it's a problem? What like this is?

Kali: 18:22

Let's get deep with this and I don't have time to talk to each one of you one-on-one and my relationship ain't the bombcom, you know. I just I just don't, um, via social media, be like this. Nigga did this today, you know, but he ain't. You know, it's I. I live in my truth and so I don't know what to tell y'all when y'all be like, you know, because you guys see, oh, you know a ring and oh, he loves her, you know. So you guys always think, come to roll rolling and she'll know everything, and I don't.

Kali: 18:52

I want to talk to some people that do, though, so I do want some married couples to come on her and tell us why you think your relationship is working. Some divorced couples let's get a little bit of everybody in here, so if you're willing to come in, I want you to come below or inbox me. This show will be on my Facebook um Facebook page as well D for the week, and that's where you can inbox me. Um, but if you watch this via YouTube, comment below. Let me know if you want to be a guest and talk about the subject.

Kali: 19:21

If you're experiencing this yourself, you're going through a divorce, or you just got to a point where you're like I don't want to be with anybody. I've just come to record. I just a bright light just bling, and I recognize that. I just like being alone. Or you just realize all these issues that we just kind of briefly talked about.

Kali: 19:39

As far as laziness is people being opportunists and people trying to date people that are not on that level, or dating people to increase their image, or whatever it may be is you know? Is that why it's not working? Working, or do we need to be more passive. Do we have high expectations for people or unrealistic expectations for, you know, a partner or spouse due to the shit we watched growing up disneyland stuff, like you know, um disney movie, should I say cinderella and this and that did that, that kind of have put a false pretense on what we think love is like and that's why it's not working. Should they show us more of the truth? Like you know, they didn't have DNA, but they did have a lot of that going on back then, like you know. You know we didn't. Back then we sugarcoated a lot and kids didn't. So you know we didn't. Back then we sugarcoated a lot and kids didn't know what was really going on.

Kali: 20:33

Like versus now. Like we see everything and so now we know why things don't work out. Now we know what you know causes problems. Back then they didn't even cuss in front of us. They didn't kiss in front of us. So we're like you know, we didn't know what was really going on and is that just why things look like it was just so peachy?

Kali: 20:55

What's the truth? Because now that I do know my grandma's true story, I'm like she was the saddest, most depressed forever, wife, forever, you know. So like what? What really is what? What's the truth? Is it now that women are just like I ain ain't doing that? No more. I'm not putting up with that. We don't have to. We can work now. Remember, we can work now.

Kali: 21:18

That movement, I don't know Like, did that change the dynamic of marriage in the household? What happened? You know what happened. So let's talk about it. Let's get deep. If you want to come on again, comment below or inbox me via social media and Facebook, tiktok, wherever you kind of catch these clips or shows at and we would love to have you. I want more than one of y'all. I want some men, I want some women. Let's get deep and let's not argue, but let's debate and conversate. Okay, and again, I thank you guys for watching and sticking in there with me for my you know my little short absence that I had. Welcome back.

Kali: 21:57

And for those of you that continue to watch, I did mention raffling off some podcast stuff, because a lot of you have definitely asked me how'd you get your podcast started? What do you use? What are your mics, what are your this or what are you that? And, to be honest with you, I have a friend of mine that helped me get it started. I don't know what to use, what to that and what to this. Okay, but what I did do is notice that, with you guys asking me those questions, you do actually watch the show. That's where those questions came from, and so I wanted to thank you and show my gratitude by raffling off some podcast equipment so you can get started at home if you cannot afford to go to a studio.

Kali: 22:35

So on the near future, we're going to have that show I kind of mentioned it via social media and I wasn't in studio at the time to give you guys a chance to be a part of raffle. So we'll do that show in like another two or three shows to get you guys to actually subscribe. And the way to be a part of raffle is to like, subscribe or share anything about my page and you have to show the proof, so screenshot it when you do it and for everything you do you'll get one raffle ticket, and so we're going to do that in the near future too. And so, for those of you that asked about that, I did not forget and I also already document all of you that like, share and subscribe to be a part of that raffle.

Kali: 23:14

I did write y'all down. You know I'm tedious, don't forget about y'all, so that's why I'm even mentioning this. But again, thank you guys for keeping up with me and asking where have I been and all your questions. Let me know you care and that you watch and that you're here with me. And so I thank you guys. And again, welcome back and happy holidays. And if I don't see you guys before, if you don't watch before the New Year's, happy New Year's. And again, comment below if you want to be on the show to talk about this a little more. And thanks for watching. Let's get deep, y'all, and I'll see you guys next time. That was better.