Social Media Romance and the Road to Marriage

Imagine navigating the labyrinth of online dating and emerging with a love story that defies societal norms. Our guest, Kalilah, shares her transformative journey from California to Atlanta, where she bravely faced new cultural dynamics and heartbreaks. Her story of finding love on Instagram unfolds with lessons in resilience and the power of self-discovery. From a dark place to a hopeful engagement, Kalilah's experiences offer a beacon of hope for those seeking meaningful connections through social media. Her insights challenge us to rethink how we engage with love in the digital age.

As the episode unfolds, we delve into the complex maze of relationship dynamics, exploring both the comical and heartfelt moments that come with it. A humorous encounter with a mismatched online profile leads to unexpected surprises, while the story of Chris, a younger partner, challenges societal expectations about age and height. We explore the emotional journey of transitioning from a long period of singledom to a committed partnership, and the pressures and growth that accompany this evolution. Chris's struggle to propose and the couple's journey to engagement highlight the challenges and joys of committing to love, despite past reservations.

The episode crescendos with a reflection on marriage, family, and career shifts, offering a fresh perspective on societal pressures regarding age and motherhood. Kalilah and her partner's decision to start a family and leave their jobs becomes a testament to trusting divine timing over conventional timelines. From the joy of a private proposal in Orlando to navigating online dating’s red flags, this episode provides a rich tapestry of anecdotes and advice on building genuine relationships. As we celebrate a recent wedding, we invite listeners to join in the conversation by liking, subscribing, and sharing, while opening the door for future guests to share their stories.

Chapters

• 0:01 Love and Relationships on Social Media
• 11:39 Relationship Challenges and Growth
• 21:08 Marriage, Family, and Career Plans
• 28:49 Social Media Dating and Private Proposal
• 33:05 Navigating Online Dating and Relationships
• 47:09 Wedding Congratulatory Interview Show

Transcript

Kali: 0:01

It's the Deep for the Week talk show. Are you ready to talk? Let's get Deep for the Week. Hello, and thank you for joining us on the Deep for the Week show. I'm your host, kali, and thanks for watching. You guys, thanks for joining us and don't forget to like, share and subscribe. You know I gotta ask you that every single time and, and if you have some input, please feel free to comment below. We love to hear back from you.

Kali: 0:28

Now, today's show is on finding love on social media. Would you try it? Have you tried it? Do you think it's possible? Just overall, is that the new way of finding love with our busy schedules? So let's talk about it. Let's get deep, you guys. I have a guest today and her. We'll let her introduce herself. I also have some experience with social media and dating. But let's get deep with another guest. I want to hear someone else's input and how it went for them. I've had two relationships on social media, and the previous one and the one I'm currently in. The one that I was in previously it ended on social media and it was a huge joke and I made a joke out of it right where it started, on social media. So I cut up, okay, but this one that.

Kali: 1:20

I'm currently in, I'm engaged now and it is a relationship.

Kalilah: 1:27

Awesome.

Kali: 1:28

We're going to be real with y'all today, okay, so hopefully we can give you guys some hope and, you know, give you guys some insight on what it's like to date on social media. So what's your name?

Kalilah: 1:39

My name is Kalilah, Hi everyone.

Kali: 1:41

Hello and thank you for joining us and thank you for your time today.

Kalilah: 1:45

My pleasure, my pleasure.

Kali: 1:47

So where are you from?

Kalilah: 1:49

I'm originally from California. Now I reside in Atlanta, georgia. Well, the outskirts of Atlanta, georgia, we know. Here in Atlanta, they call well, in Georgia, they call everything Atlanta. So you can live in Marietta, you can live at Alpharetta and they'll still say it's Atlanta, but I live metro Atlanta area. So, yes, I've been here for about seven years.

Kali: 2:12

I'm relocated from California in 2017, so I've been here since then okay, and you don't have to tell us how old you are, but like, approximately, approximately, like, you know what year were you born, what kind of baby are you 60, 70, 80, 90, 2000?.

Kalilah: 2:29

I'm an 80s baby.

Kali: 2:31

Okay.

Kalilah: 2:33

And I'm not ashamed of my age I'm 37. Okay.

Kali: 2:37

You're beautiful.

Kalilah: 2:38

You look good at your age. Thank you, I'm 37. I'll be 38 in November, so next month I'll be 38.

Kali: 2:48

you, I'm 37. I'll be 38 in November, so next month I'll be 38, okay, so?

Kalilah: 2:53

we gonna get right to it.

Kali: 2:54

So what social media site did you meet your guy on? Yes, social media site, or was it some?

Kalilah: 2:56

no, it was it was definitely social media and it was actually Instagram. Okay, um, yeah, so I was. This was where are we at? We're 2024. So this was 2019.

Kalilah: 3:10

And I began to do like just different social media content. I was in a whole different page and chapter at that. That point of my life. You know it's definitely not where I'm at now, but we know that God works every chapter, he uses everything but 2019, I was just in a different place.

Kalilah: 3:29

To be honest, we talking deep, we talk, being transparent. I was in a very dark place, to be honest. I was in a broken place spiritually and I was on Instagram. You know, I was doing like the BBW Vixen type deal and modeling lingerie and just doing things I had never done before. But it had stemmed from heartbreak and it has stemmed from having broken relationships and, you know, dating and men playing mind games it's not all men, but the men that I was coming in contact with, um and with me. I had never been like in the dating field like that, you know. So when I moved to Atlanta and I opened myself up to the dating field, it was like a whole new world. So it was like I was a baby going out there in Atlanta, atlanta is no joke. I'm hearing.

Kalilah: 4:27

I'm heard, you got to be ready. Okay, you got to have. You know, you got to be armored in God to be in the dating field here. Okay, like the dating field here is very challenging, I'm sure. Yes, very tricky, very. I thought you was my man, but you really got one thought you was I heard come to atlanta with a man.

Kalilah: 4:53

Yeah, yeah, thought you thought you was, thought you was gonna go to church with me on sunday, but you really was sleeping with the drummer in the church, like just it was. It's just a lot here, you know what I'm saying. But it was like I was in a grown woman body. You know what I'm saying, this 31 year old that hadn't been exposed too much because I committed a lot of my life to the church. So when I got in that spiritually dark place and I was just like it's gonna do me, okay, I was broken. I'm like look, I'm not, I need me a man. Okay, ain't nobody looked in my way in 18 years. Okay, ain't nobody breathed on me, ain't nobody. You know, because I, like I said, I was in California and California Dayton is totally different from Dayton. In the Midwest and the South, midwest and south, they like women with meat on their bones yes, ma'am black women.

Kalilah: 5:46

Yes, ma'am, california, they, you know, they want the chicano's and all of that. No, no shame to anybody. Yeah, right, so it was just like it was a lot of things happening and so I had started, like I said, just modeling lingerie and and trying to do this plus size body positivity thing. But I was so toe up on the inside. But anyway, my now husband, christopher Warren, he actually I don't know how we connected, I don't know how. I know that with him he's always been attracted to plus size women, but I don't know how we started following each other on Instagram women. But I don't know how we started following each other on Instagram and, um, he had kind of like reached out to me a little bit and I had went on his page. You know, somebody reach out to you. You know, of course you're gonna go to their page and see what they talking about and put it to the side.

Kalilah: 6:39

Let me look at it yeah, let me see what he. Oh, okay, let me make sure he don't have no man. So I went on his page and I was like, okay, his, because with me I've always been attracted to men that wear glasses, kind of got like that computer geek look type deal. And he had that. He seemed very pleasant, but I was just like he not thug enough for me. That's where I was like in that chapter right, and I was just like uh, and then I asked him how old he was and he was like younger than me and I was just like, nah, he seemed like I'm good because I was like wilding out for real and um years passed by. So that was 2019. So, um, a couple of years actually have passed by.

Kalilah: 7:31

And then I went through a total metamorphosis spiritually and I just really begin to, you know, just allow God to clean my heart, clean my mind up. And I went like on this detox. I went on a physical detox, spiritual detox, and he had told me just through conversation you know, you see somebody's story, you know, within that that gap of time where we weren't communicating Cause I wasn't really interested, and he had put up a post about him moving to Georgia because he's originally from Florida. So, um, he put up a post about him moving to Georgia and he's originally from Florida. So he put up a post about him moving to Georgia and he was looking for work and stuff like that. And I was like, okay, you know, let me inbox you. And you still there. Okay, yeah, so let me just inbox you and, you know, give you some pointers and stuff like that, cause I already been here, you know, in Georgia. And, um, he came and I had invited him to like a little party at the time, and we lost touch again and then fast forwarding to, like I said, when I was going through this whole new metamorphosis, and, um, he had asked me to go, like, on a coffee date, and I had kind of like, no, I didn't really, you know. And then one day I was just kind of like you know what, let me check in on him and see how he's doing.

Kalilah: 8:52

By this time I had deleted numbers, I had surrendered my life and my heart back to God. I had, um, cause this was like 2021, 2022, well, 2021. And um, well, the end of 2020. So it was like a year, almost two year gap, right there. And, um, you know, I was just like he's the first man. That actually wasn't like when we going to link. It was more so like let's go get coffee. You know what I'm saying. And so I was like you know what'm saying, and so I was like you know what? He seems really nice, the conversation was good and yeah. So we went ahead and we conversed a little bit and we wind up meeting December in in face, face to face December of 2020 so.

Kali: 9:42

About a year after you met.

Kalilah: 9:46

On Instagram.

Kali: 9:50

How long did you take to see him for the first time was one of my questions.

Kalilah: 9:55

We started communicating, conversing seriously on the serious tip like let's go ahead and connect. It was only a couple weeks. It wasn't nothing extreme because, like I said, he had been like kind of you know, trying to like get my attention or whatever. But I had already made up in my mind and I want to apologize because the timeline was wrong we actually got connected on instagram in 2018. Okay, yeah, so that because we didn't actually meet in person until like a year and a half, two years later, um, so, yeah, december of 2020 is when him and I connected.

Kali: 10:36

So did you so. So he, you, you explained basically, he got at you and so you, you guys, text and called each other for about a year before you actually connected. And so how was that first interaction? How did you feel? Was it comfortable? Were you like? You know how?

Kalilah: 10:54

was it you're talking about?

Kali: 10:55

physically, like when you actually first seen each other. How did you feel so when people like the profile pictures? No, he, looked.

Kalilah: 11:05

When I opened the door I was like, oh my gosh, he looked like his pictures you know, like he wasn't a catfish and with you and I, we've been friends on social media for a while. So I don't know if you remember my dating stories, like I don't know if we were connected when I would tell these horrid dating stories about being catfish, I would two fins. Hat fin went on a date with a man. He took his teeth out at the table. I remember you posted something about.

Kali: 11:34

I thought you were just joking no, no, I had.

Kalilah: 11:39

I had linked up with a guy in Atlanta girl and I was like she got it.

Kali: 11:44

it, she is so funny.

Kalilah: 11:46

Listen, I had linked up with this guy from the Marines in Atlanta this was before Chris, and he was a handsome guy and he kept sending me pictures of himself. I'm going to find out these pictures was like years old and I kept wondering why when we were talking he was always laying down, he was laying on his stomach like I never seen him like get up and bust a move, you know, and we go link up and he come out the house and his whole, entire back is broke. I'm talking about he walking in a circle, like his whole spine was just, it was done. You was like, yes, and so with me, with my kind heart, oh, I don't want him to feel bad. Let me just the man wind up. We wind up linking up. He had got sloppy drunk. He had an accident in my bed, accident meaning urine accident, like I have some. Yeah.

Kali: 12:49

So I just give up if it's going to be.

Kalilah: 12:53

Oh my God. So I am just grateful. But yes, when we, when I first seen him, I was just like he's really handsome. You know he was tall, dark. You know he had the broad shoulders physique like I liked, and I was like he's really handsome. You know he was tall, dark, you know he had the broad shoulders physique like I liked and I was like he's so kind, like I felt very comfortable. I didn't feel uncomfortable at all, I didn't feel intimidated. Um, I did have thoughts, because it was a process to get to where we are now, of course, but I was still kind of like he's younger than me, like I was stuck on that how much Chris is eight years younger than me okay, there's nothing wrong with that you know.

Kali: 13:32

I think we women need to be more open to that yeah on a lot of opportunities when it comes to love.

Kalilah: 13:38

Yes, that and height oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, when we talk about height, and I have so many girlfriends that I adore and they're single, you know, and I'm just praying, you know, and believing that they will run into that, that man will, you know, find them. But they standards and I was one of those. I was one of those. That's why it was so hard in the beginning because, I mean, this man was lavishing me with love, he was treating me like I had never been treated before you know what I'm saying, bringing me roses and candles and just shedding so much love on me and I was still like, hey, tell young, hey, tell young, he tell young. And it wasn't like he was acting really young.

Kalilah: 14:25

Now, there was things in the beginning that I was more mature in because I had more experience, but so far as the things that a lot of women deal with the cheating, the, the, just the, just the toxicity, different things, none of that, none of that. And I was still stuck in that standard. Like you said, height, age, you know now, if, if the man, if you, you know if you 40 and he 17, something, 20, you know, that's you taking it too far, in my opinion. Right, but I was just still stuck at the fact that he was younger than me and I was just like it's a lot to me, he had to learn and I was just. I was just like it's a lot to me, he had to learn and I was just. I was just naming off so many things, but he was everything that I could have wanted and needed and I didn't realize that in the beginning. You know.

Kali: 15:17

Yeah, that's awesome, and clearly you were the same for him. Yes, so you, so you um, you you clearly felt safe with him when you guys started to interact, and so what was some of y'all trying times, your most trying times so far, um, since meeting good, awesome question.

Kalilah: 15:40

so we have had um a fewouts, but I would say the one that sticks out the most. Well, I can name two when we were actually which I didn't really know, but we were about to transition from boyfriend and girlfriend to fiance, you know, and him proposing it was like a process of getting us to align. And with him, like I said, he's eight years younger than me, so there was things he wanted me, but he was still trying to gain that confidence that he would be able to handle that, if that makes sense, like so with men, you know, at least from the men that I've talked to and what I've seen, they just feel like they have to be at a place, which is good to a certain extent, but sometimes they feel like they need to, just they want to give you the world before they give you the world, if that makes sense, you know, and so that was, that was a process, because I was just like, uh, we've been dating for about three years, so what we finna do?

Kalilah: 16:56

right you know what?

Kalilah: 16:56

I'm saying like I'm not saying you gotta my age, don't date this long yeah, you know, I'm in my 30s and then some people were very opinionated, like we went through a period where I had family members that were very opinionated secretly they thought it was a secret, but I knew, because God reveals certain things to me anyway. And, mind you, this was my first relationship since I was 19. So I had been single 15 years and it was like a shock to everyone's system. Because here it is Kalilah, the funny one, the one who you're going to come to for prayer, the one who is always the third wheel, the one who's encouraging her other friends going to weddings, doing their makeup, and then then it came to my time. So a lot of things was a process and it was even a process for me. It was a challenge for me to be able to receive that, you know, um. But the other challenge for us last year was a very like.

Kalilah: 18:06

Immediately after we got engaged, we, by faith, we dropped everything and decided to go to CDL school. And we got to the CDL school after being denied so many different times. We were approved by school. Then all of a sudden they denied us and then, like, he gave up his job, I gave up mine and we went to the school and everything was a flop. So we actually came back to Atlanta with nothing, no money, no house, my car was breaking down, homeless. This was just last year and we had to thug that out together.

Kalilah: 18:54

And while still trying to hold on to planning a wedding, we went through a lot of family betrayal, being publicly bashed and slandered. There's a lot of intensity last year, a lot of financial hardships, not knowing where we were going to live, sleeping in the car. And here we are, a year later, we have a three bedroom house, two cars, we both have jobs, we both are moving forward and we're married. And last year was it was just girl, I was. I'm telling you it was nothing but God, like, it was just very rough, like even to the point where it tried to bring a wedge between us. And that's why so many people will say and this is even for you, you know, people that are engaged, people that are married, are in relationships. Do not allow outside influences to afflict what you have inside, because a lot of times the family that we came from will try to annihilate and destroy the family that you're supposed to birth.

Kali: 20:11

I'm telling you it's so sad.

Kalilah: 20:13

I did not know the truth of that until last year, when what was supposed to be the most beautiful time of my life, the enemy tried to do absolutely everything to destroy it, but it didn't work and it never will. So today, you know, we stand tall as the Warrens, you know, and I love him when I tell you my spiritual rock, like Chris, is very calm, cool, collective, quiet, reserved, but he's so full of wisdom, you know, and yeah, so those have been. That was one of our most challenging times.

Kali: 20:54

And I think that was good to experience in the beginning, because you know you can get through anything now.

Kalilah: 21:01

Yeah, it was.

Kali: 21:02

Yeah, as bad as it was, it was good.

Kalilah: 21:06

Yes, absolutely.

Kali: 21:08

So what did y'all, if I may ask, what did y'all do for a living before, before we quit your jobs?

Kalilah: 21:13

So with me and I think you know this I'm a makeup artist, so I have that business as well as my hair distribution business, and then I was just doing what I've always been doing for about the last 15 years, which is like cost and our management sales, and with him he was working as a security guard. So, yeah, that's what we were doing prior.

Kali: 21:39

So, yeah, that's what we were doing prior. I think I know the answer to this. I might be wrong, but this is for the viewers. Do any of you have kids? No okay not yet so you guys, are you guys going to plan to have children? Because you had a beautiful wedding, so you know you're good to have kids now, so are y'all planning to have kids?

Kalilah: 21:59

We are. Chris told me he won't fall. I said who do you know? You get to have kids now. So are y'all planning to have kids? We, we are. We are, uh, crystal, but he won't fall. I'll say who do you think you married? You think you married somebody at 19, 20?

Kali: 22:08

no, give him his double set of twins girl you married.

Kalilah: 22:12

You married, oh uh, meredith you. You married a lady named meredith on the inside, but no, like I said, god, I could do twins. One. One hit of Twitter, one hit of Twitter, you know. And then I had to get past that. I had to get past uh, I've just been through so much spiritually, like I had to get past being upset at God because I didn't get married until my mid thirties you know what I'm saying my late thirties, because all my friends was getting married in their twenties. You know, a lot of my friends are still not married. Um, but, and that's fine, it's not the end. All be all. It's whatever God has for you.

Kalilah: 22:56

But I was just like you know, we in society, it's so many different pressures. You got pressure to be this size. You got pressure If you don't have a child by 35, something wrong with you If you don't. You know, it's just so many different voices and that's a lot of what we had experienced. Like, oh, y'all, eight years apart, how are do this? How you gonna do this? Oh, you know, you better hurry up, because if you don't have a child by the time you 36, I'm gonna. And god, like, hold on, I'm the king of this ship. Okay, so I anointed you to be a mother. So if I say you're gonna be a mother at 39, that's what you're gonna be, you know what I'm saying and then? So with me, I encourage myself, my husband encourages me. Baby ashanti is 43 years old. She just had a beautiful son that part nothing's wrong with the baby that's my age.

Kali: 23:52

Talking about, my mom is pregnant. I said what? Yeah, and women are. I don't know what's in the food, but I said let me stop eating. But women in their 60s getting pregnant, so it is never too late if their body is too late.

Kalilah: 24:05

But, honey, thanks to you that that's a stretch. Okay, well, I don't want my baby coming out looking like benjamin button. Okay, I want my baby to. He got to have all his he or she. But you're, if you don't mind me, asking your age. So you graduated four years before me, so you're what? 41, 42. I just turned 42 on the second of last month and then we have to understand that's not old, like that's another thing society is doing. No, I'm not. I'm not.

Kali: 24:41

I'm not old. You as old as you feel, you literally.

Kalilah: 24:45

Like it's mental, spiritually, emotional. It has nothing to do. Like I said, we look at Ashanti 43, Halle Berry, like all of these women. Janet Jackson Janet Jackson, you know, I think she I don't remember how old she was- I think she was all 50 already when she had her baby.

Kalilah: 25:04

Yeah, so I mean, but I think so yeah, you know, god grace us with 70 plus years on this earth. That's 30 years too, but we just get it's so many different pressures. Like I said, we just get caught up in this timeframe and it's just like our wedding slogan was Warren was worth the wait Because I waited a long time. You know what I'm saying? I waited a long time to have a man and for God to give me a man that genuinely loves me. I mean, I could be walking around here looking like Holiday Hart.

Kali: 25:45

And that man is still gonna say come on, let me rub your feet. That's. I love that for you. That's great.

Kalilah: 25:51

So you dated for how long before you actually like, introduced him to your mom and stuff like how long, okay, so Chris and I were probably dating trying to think of the timeline because I was living in that, I would say it was probably a few months. It wasn't like right, right away. And when she first met him because she was actually she was at my house and, um, well, no, she wasn't at my house. He was coming to my house because I was gonna cook. I was cooking and, um, my mom wind up coming and she circled. Wait, hold on, let me get the story right.

Kalilah: 26:31

So this is what happened my mother was there to see my new house and, excuse me, she had to leave and then he was on the way. So I was just like mom, you know what I'm saying like I wanted you to meet chris. So, um, she wound up circling back around and when she came back, you know, we walked outside and soon as she seen him and he opened his mouth and started talking to him. She was like Kalilah, I like him, for you it is. You see, my mom Like. She has a very loving but strong personality.

Kali: 27:14

Yeah, she seems like she's transparent as well. Like she, she'll tell you. Like you know, I don't mean no harm, but, baby, I don't like that color on you.

Kalilah: 27:22

Yes, very transparent. And so when he opened his mouth, we were standing by her car, hand to hand, and her spirit leaked. He said I'm his. What did he call her? He said Miss Frazier. That's not her last name, but he called her Miss Frazier. He said. She said hi, miss frazier, how are you? Because he's very proper, he speaks very proper, and she leaped. She said oh my gosh, kalila, I like him for you. And when she said that, I was like, yeah, what you trying to say, you know, like it was just different, it was different. And so, um, yeah, so I would say it was, it was, it wasn't that long, it was like a few months have you guys ever broke up?

Kalilah: 28:10

girl for 24 hours. It ain't never been nothing. It ain't never been nothing extended. But when, when we first started dating because I had been single for so long, oh my gosh, I broke up with him every week. And then the next day I was just like trying to side back around and be like I was just mad or whatever, like it was just, yeah, but no, we haven't. We've never been apart more Like so far. It's like oh, we broke up. It's never yeah, but no, we haven't. We've never been apart more so far. It's like oh, we broke up, it's never been over. I would say 48 hours, never yeah.

Kali: 28:49

When he asked you to marry him. How did it go? Where was y'all at, Because I didn't see you post that. I don't know if I missed that, but did you post?

Kalilah: 28:55

it. So he didn't do anything publicly. So he didn't do anything publicly. So he told me okay, so we had a New Year's Eve party that we had went to because he proposed to me February, february 18th of 20 February 18th.

Kali: 29:13

That's crazy. That's the same day I got engaged. Really, I promise you, oh my god, so yep, february 18th hey and I met my dude in 2019. What?

Kalilah: 29:29

yeah, so february 18th of 2023 and um so in december 31,. He had told me that he was going to do it in front of my family there at the the New Year's Eve party. But he's very introverted, he's very reserved, which is another thing I had to really get used to, because I was like Lord, what is this?

Kalilah: 29:59

You know, I'm like, so I'm extrovert, introvert, but I'm mostly extrovert. So when we first started dating, I was just like why he always in the house? Like it was just awkward to me. I thought he was like depressed or something. So I would be calling him often, like you all right, like you know what I'm saying, like you need me to bring you some medicine or something because I'm not understanding what's going on. You got a post. I just need to know, like I am, we are dating, but he's so different now, so different, but he's still introvert.

Kalilah: 30:35

So, but yeah, so he actually took me to Orlando, florida he's from Florida and, um, we had like, uh, we was there for a few days, but anyway, as soon as we got to the hotel, I knew something was kind of up because he was kind of like jittery, like he was acting a little different, like, oh no, just go up to the room. So when we got to Orlando, umbruary 18, and we got settled in the room and he told me to close my eyes and he had the wedding ring, well, yeah, he had the wedding ring and he got down on one knee, he was sweating, he was nervous and he asked me to marry him oh so yeah that's so cute.

Kalilah: 31:21

Yeah, so ours was very yeah, ours was very intimate. My mom knew um one of my good friends. She knew his mom and his sister. They knew. So a handful of people knew so she had your mom first.

Kali: 31:35

If he can, yeah yeah, so he chose. He chose to do it, um you know, with just us two, you know that's cute because he he was more comfortable that way and you said he still was nervous with just y'all so he still was nervous, but that's the way that he chose, okay, yeah so, after doing all this, what do you have to say about dating someone that you met on social media like? What's your advice um?

Kalilah: 32:03

you know. So I I just want because I know this is going to be aired, so I know that. You know I've seen posts where people have said, the day, the day you pod or got p in it, and it's rough. It just is because social media is our main portal. Now you know what I'm saying. You got Twitter, you got Instagram, you got Facebook, tiktok, and when I was in that dating scene and that dating world, it's a lot of people that just don't have pure hearts.

Kali: 32:38

They don't, you know, they're very they play a lot people that just don't have pure hearts.

Kalilah: 32:40

They don't, you know, they're very, play a lot, very vindictive. When you see a man nine times out of 10, and he just got a whole bunch of women on his friends list, to me that's a red flag, oh man, extreme red flag. I talked to men like that, you know, and, like I said, I was just very much so in a wild place before I met Chris. I was you know what I'm saying Like very. I went through a season where I was being just very promiscuous, like there was different things that I had opened myself up to.

Kalilah: 33:13

So I want to encourage a lot of women like for for, first of all, present yourself a certain type of way. Women like for first of all, present yourself a certain type of way for what you want to, um, what you want to be drawn to. You, you know, and obviously be spirit led too, because it's so many different scams. You know you have a man that's in your inbox saying hey, even saying hey for a year. You know what I'm saying you, you respond back and he don't have much to talk about, you know. So I know it's a challenge and and I've talked to women, you know, and this is for men too, where they feel like it's like a needle in the haystack, you know, um, but I would just encourage everyone you know know with, because it's possible. A lot of people you met yours online, right, yeah, okay, and it's real. It's real life because these are real people. But then you have so many people that sit behind a computer on their phone and they're playing games.

Kali: 34:16

Yeah. Because the thing is you're so wide open you don't realize you show so much of yourself on social media that's true, the men. That are prayers that are praying on women. They, they, they have you know they can see so much like, so they know exactly where to go with you, you know, they love bomb the yeah you know, I'm saying yeah they're doing that the ones that, like you mentioned, have a whole bunch of women on there?

Kalilah: 34:43

yes, lots of. So definitely, look for those flags, look for those red flags, but also, as women, you know, don't have so much of a high standard. Um, and then another thing is key if he's just asking you when he can come over, that's a no In my opinion, in my book. If you trying to, if you trying to go to the next level, you know and really find true love, find that that husband material, the first couple of conversations or conversation should not be you trying to get.

Kali: 35:19

To come to my house I wouldn't even feel comfortable. What y'all did in the setting of what y'all did in the public, I would not feel comfortable, maybe a couple times, inviting you into my house. Someone that wants you to be so comfortable with them. That's awkward. What type of females are you?

Kalilah: 35:38

Yeah, yeah, actually I'm, you know, like, even if the even if y'all have like a meetup at the house, it shouldn't be led sexually first. That's just. That's just me. Like if y'all just going to sit and have tea or whatever you know what I'm saying Netflix and chill, like you just want to make sure that you're, you're gravitating towards what you desire, you know, and it was only by god's goodness that chris was good enough of, because when we first met, I was still you know what I'm saying going through my metamorphosis and in the midst of our relationship.

Kalilah: 36:19

You know, because we go from different places, you know different, we change especially unfortunately, we go through changes that we don't even understand you know, at this age too, yeah, so when I started telling him like you know, I know because we went through a period of abstinence where I was just like you know, I want to go back to church and different things like that and at first he was like huh. But when you have that person who really wants to ride it out with you, that's what they will do, you know, and you guys can find a middle ground. But we just want to make sure that we're opening ourselves up to the right things. I see a lot of women you know, especially in the plus size industry, that all they do is show their bodies, that's it. And I remember being like that because at the root of you, you don't believe that a man can love you without seeing all of that. You know what I'm saying.

Kalilah: 37:23

And it's a lot of women like that. They'll say this confidence, they'll say that it's body positivity. But honey, no, it's not. It's really not, because I can't. You can be a body positive person and still be fully clothed. I don't have to see your titties for me to know that you body positive, make it make sense. And I only can speak on it because I lived it, yeah, and I know where I was at that point you know what I'm saying. I was, I was drenched in lust, a whole bunch of stuff. You know what I'm saying. But then it's like I said you gotta look, you gotta, you gotta position yourself for the blessing. So for people that are looking to date online or are dating online, just make sure that you are being prayerful and that you are looking for those red flags, looking for the green flags, you know and just options yeah.

Kali: 38:22

Do not ignore them because you're so holy and you're so excited. That's a lot of women that go through that. You know they've been single for years, yes, and you know they finally get that attention, that love that they want.

Kalilah: 38:37

Mm-hmm.

Kali: 38:37

Mm-hmm, they want Right. So, yeah, just take it slow. But your story is, it was great because it seemed like you did take it slow, like you know my story, on the other hand, we took it very fast. We took child together, that's three. So within like oh wow, okay, yeah, so within like a month, I was oh wow, okay. But we had. It was like you know, we met during, you know it was COVID was going on with my relationship.

Kali: 39:15

I met him on social media. He was in Houston. I was here. Okay, he visited me once. Now, this is, you know, I can't say I didn't always want to try this, but I didn't think I would actually do it. But he, I seen him once. He was like so what you gonna do yo? You know, I worked at a club. He was like all the clubs are shutting down. You know, come here so I can take care of you and your time. My two children and I was like no, you know, at the time I'm like what am I gonna do? You know what I'm saying. So I closed my lease, went down there and we've been together ever since. So we've've seen each other once and by the second time we was moving in together. Now I do not recommend it. No, because that is like a. That's the best way to get to know each other. I mean, and we're going through like a pandemic.

Kali: 40:02

So we lost jobs, we gained jobs, we lost money, you know something like yours, you know know we went to go first yeah no, the honeymoon was not first at all so it's not for the week. You know, I'm saying so I mean, I, I really don't say, you know, it's for everyone, but be optimistic be optimistic and, like she said, look for the red flags make sure you're honest with yourself about what you want and what you see.

Kali: 40:32

You know what I'm saying. Like you know, some things may look good the job, the image, the, you know, he may be handsome, but if there's anything that you do not like, you can't you know? I think that's part of what we do. Yeah, I thank you for joining us and sharing your experience. Maybe we can add some of your wedding photos in this episode at the end. You can send me some if you're comfortable with sharing those your story was.

Kali: 41:01

I wanted to share your story. I thought it was very romantic and cute. I've been kind of following and so it was was cute. I like it and I'm happy for you yeah, thank you.

Kalilah: 41:11

I'm happy for you too. So when is the wedding day? Have y'all planned?

Kali: 41:15

it. See with me, I got a thousand projects and no, I'm really, I really, I really I have like a wedding planner book, but no, I'm not in a rush like um you know you need to have a wedding planner, please okay like, I don't know what y'all capacity is for people, but, yes, like, please have a wedding planner.

Kalilah: 41:38

Like when, when it comes to a wedding, it is so many different ups and downs, loops and turns and and then if you have a wedding planner, it helps it so much more. Like you, especially like if you have a big wedding party, like we did in the beginning. We both started off with like nine people in our wedding each. Well, like, not, I had nine bridesmaids. We had our website, still had a website. He had nine groomsmen and baby.

Kalilah: 42:08

By last year and the beginning of this year, that thing trickled on down to two or three, okay, and some of them was new people okay, and then booted and rebooted okay, yeah, because it was like I said, we were literally in a battle, like it was so many different things that transpired, like it was people that was with us in the beginning, callie that we don't even have relationships with anymore. It's astonishing, it's literally astonishing, the weeding that happens.

Kali: 42:44

Thank, God, though, Like you know you, it hurts Definitely.

Kalilah: 42:53

You see why? Yeah, thank god, but it was painful, it was very painful, um, but it's also for the good, you know what I'm saying. And um, a lot, of, a lot of us just got to be purified, like our hearts got to be purified. Like I had a friend who me and her talked almost every day and once I got engaged, I promise you, I didn't hear from her no more, like we didn't ever fall out not to be painted over honey yeah, it's a stunning, it's literally scary, it's astonishing.

Kali: 43:31

That it really exists like that and how you find out.

Kalilah: 43:34

Yeah, it never attends, how's the dress coming? I got people now that still haven't even reached out and they were in the wedding Wow, and just ghosted Disappear. Ain't said your dress is pretty. Ain't saying that, just it's crazy, it's bananas. So you have to have god in the process and you want a wedding planner yeah and you want to yeah, a big wedding anymore.

Kali: 44:00

I want to do something like martin and gina type shit, if I ever do i'ma, i'ma be real.

Kalilah: 44:04

When you guys decide to do it, which honestly I would say, go for it, please do it. Do it small, like if you not, if you're not someone that works well with the ups and downs of a lot of things changing and people's personalities and, uh, this amount of money, don't do it, I'm gonna be like girl.

Kali: 44:27

Do you know that was four hundred and twenty, god damn, oh no, no, no, don't, don't do it, don't do it. I'm gonna be like girl. Do you know that was falling in that? 20 guys?

Kalilah: 44:30

oh no no, no, don't, don't do it. Don't do it. Go go somewhere beautiful where y'all want to go, have y'all maybe five, six, seven, eight people and follow the day that I was being on the guests and the food yes on my, my face.

Kali: 44:44

here I want jagged edge a kiki Wyatt. Yeah, yeah, for real, do it Because. I guess, that'd be over there with that energy that you, you know I don't want to have to monitor nobody's energy at my wedding.

Kalilah: 44:57

And, but here's the thing, you won't even have to really monitor it Like it's see, it's like, first of all, marriage is something that's ordained by God, like God himself. So when that automatically happens, it automatically separates you. Anyway, you get what I'm saying Because now you have two people that are saying, god, we want to do it the right way and we're becoming one, so automatically there will be things that shift, that you won't know, that are about to shift, things that shift that you won't know, that are about to shift. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, but I'm telling you, if this is, is this you know, for anyone that's watching, if that's your person, it's gonna work. It's gonna work. It's gonna be challenging, but it's gonna work. Y'all gonna stick together, y'all gonna thug it out. The the areas that Chris has weak is weekend. I'm strong in the areas that I'm strong in. You know what I'm saying. So, vice versa, yeah so yeah.

Kali: 45:57

Well, thank you for your time today. Your story is beautiful, it's very it's. It gives very a lot of hope and optimistic, I hope, to some women that are experiencing a little bit of discouragement. And you know it's there. Love is still there, but love is within you, so you get what you put out yes you know, and um and thank you for providing us with laughter in your dark times.

Kali: 46:24

You know we're going through those dark times oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yes and so so thanks for that and again thanks for being a guest on my show today and I wish you I enjoyed it many, many, many, many anniversaries. Thank you and chris, congratulations on those four kids we're gonna have four goldfish.

Kalilah: 46:49

Four goldfish. Okay, we're gonna name each one of them, okay because, four children is not coming up out of here maybe one, two and we said no no, ma'am well, congratulations again on your wedding.

Kali: 47:05

It was beautiful. It was beautiful, I hope you enjoyed your wedding yes, I did. It was beautiful. Your dress was beautiful. I hope you enjoyed your wedding.

Kalilah: 47:10

Yes, I did. It was beautiful. Such a breath of fresh air. It was beautiful. He was beautiful, we made it, we made it to the altar. It was beautiful. So I would love to send you a few pictures. Please do, please do.

Kali: 47:28

Thanks for joining us on a D, you know, please do, please do. Okay, and thanks for joining us on a Deep for we Show and please like, subscribe and share and comment below. And if you'd like to be a guest on a Deep for we Show, there's something you'd like to discuss, please let us know and we'll get you started in that process. And again, thanks for joining us and thanks for your time and congratulations. You guys tell chris, I'll say congratulations as well absolutely, I will thank you all right and you have a great night.

Kali: 47:54

You're watching the d for the week show.